I was nervous as I pulled my grey Honda Civic up to the
Woodies parking lot. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I felt both
fearful and excited because I was about to meet face to face with my father for
the first time in my life. I was 17. I was on my way to college for an early
enrollment summer program and needed some gas money for the trip. Perhaps I
also needed an ‘at a boy’ from the man that had been responsible for my existence.
As I sat and waited for my father to come out of the back office, I rubbed my
sweaty palms front to back and side to side. Then, three hours later, his
coworker said “he had taken care of that with your mother and has left for the
day.” As I drove down the highway with
tears flowing from my eyes, I could not understand how it was humanly possible
to deny your own child.
Unfortunately, this story is far too common and presents
itself in various shapes and sizes. Father absence is defined as young people
growing up without the presence or involvement of their biological fathers (Kenny
& Schreiner, 2009). This issue is real, and even more real for African
Americans, as half of all African American children live only with their
mothers (The Heritage Foundation, 2014). Father absence contributes to a myriad
of adolescent issues including depression, behavioral problems, and substance
abuse (Falci, 2006; Carlson, 2006; Bronte-Tinkew & Moore, 2006).
Did I mention that father absence is the most pressing
leadership issue of our time? Leadership is about who you are, how you act,
what you do, and how you interact with others (Hackman & Johnson, 2009). Issues
developed by children without fathers, directly correlate to who they are, how they act, what they do,
and how they interact with others. If a child is less likely to develop
core characteristics of leaders, due in large part, to the absence of their
fathers, how then can they lead others?
Father absence is a complex issue that one blog post won’t
solve. Numerous studies have been conducted and many books have been written on
this topic. I offer a couple of thoughts to the fathers out there who are
struggling with their parenting role.
Maintain Frequent
Contact. Inconsistent contact by a father makes children angry and disappointed
(Nixon, Greene, & Hogan, 2012). Simple regular phone calls, text messages,
and emails from their father signaled their father’s commitment to their children
(Nixon, Greene & Hogan, 2012).
Foster Cooperative
Parenting. Fathers who are able to separate their personal identity from
their former spouse or girlfriend are able to show cooperative paternal
behavior (Baum, 2004). Cooperative paternal behavior enables more father-child
interaction that is beneficial to the child.
Collectively, we can address father absence by making every
day father’s day.
References
Kenny, D. T.,
& Schreiner, I. (2009). Predictors of high-risk alcohol consumption in
young offenders on community orders: Policy and treatment implications. Psychology,
Public Policy, and Law, 15(1), 54-79.
The Heritage
Foundation (2011). More than half of all
African-American children live in a single-parent home. Retrieved from http://0-www.familyfacts.org.library.regent.edu/charts/171/more-than-half-of-all-african-american-children-live-in-a-single-parent-home
Falci, C. (2006).
Family Structure, Closeness to Residential and Nonresidential Parents, and
Psychological Distress in Early and Middle Adolescence. The Sociological Quarterly, 47, 123-146.
Carlson, M.J.
(2006). Family Structure, Father Involvement, and Adolescent Behavioral
Outcomes. Journal of Marriage and Family,
68, No. 1, 137-154.
Bronte-Tinkew, J.
& Moore, K.A. (2006). The
Father-Child Relationship, Parenting Styles, and Adolescent Risk Behaviors in
Intact Families, Journal of Family Issues,
27, No. 6, 850-881.
Hackman, M. Z.,
& Johnson, C. E. (2004). Leadership :
a communication perspective / Michael Z. Hackman, Craig E. Johnson. Long
Grove, Ill. : Waveland Press, c2004.
Nixon, E.,
Greene, S., & Hogan, D. (2012). Like an uncle but more, but less than a
father—Irish children's relationships with nonresident fathers. Journal of Family Psychology, 26(3), 381-390.
Baum, N. (2004).
Coping With Absence-Presence: Noncustodial Fathers' Parenting Behaviors. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry,
74(3), 316-324.
